A Request of Friends and Family

I would really appreciate it if people stopped making jokes about my or Alyssa’s expected role in our relationship based on our gender. Neither of us is the boss of the other, neither of our feelings matter more than the other’s, neither of us makes decisions for the other, neither of us just gives in to the other in disagreements, and neither of us is more or less competent at doing things adults are generally able to do (remember important items/information, manage finances, plan for events, etc.).  I understand that these jokes are not made in bad faith and are meant to be lighthearted, but nevertheless they upset me and I would appreciate it if people would respect that (much as I try to respect my loved ones’ feelings about things I might say or do).

Edit: I thought I should say, based on some comments I’ve received: This isn’t directed at anyone in particular, and I don’t want people to feel like they have to walk around on eggshells or anything. I know that these jokes come naturally and it might not be exactly clear what kinds of things I’m talking about (I’m refraining from posting specific examples because I don’t want to call anyone out or anything). I just want people to be aware that this is an issue for me so that if I ask them in the future not to make a certain joke again they’ll understand where I’m coming from.

About Shea Levy

  • Kelly Elmore

    If you really want people to change on this, it is probably only going to work to point out when they do this specifically. I probably make a joke like this sometimes, but I would have no idea really if you didn’t tell me that it bothers you in the context of the actual mistake.

  • http://www.shealevy.com Shea Colton Levy

    Definitely, I’m planning on doing that. The only reason I hadn’t said anything until now was that I wasn’t sure if the amount it bothered me was worth the hassle and awkwardness of asking people not to make jokes that are perfectly light-hearted, and then by the time I realized that it was worth it to me there were enough people who had said something that I thought I’d lay the groundwork by asking people in general.